One of the worst injustices done to the mind of the Nigerian girl is the idea that she is nothing without a man she calls a husband

One of the worst injustices done to the mind of the Nigerian girl is the idea that she is nothing without a man she calls a husband. Thus making the average girl to want to abandone everything for marriage. An indoctrinated mentality that has messed with the mind of the girl child, and killing the drive to exercise her maximum potentials, all as a cost for marriage.
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We live in a society where the quantity of marriage is celebrated over the quality.
We live in a hypocritical society where most girls are continually groomed to be good wives, while most boys are not taught to be good husbands.
This leaves the classic definition of a typical Nigerian marriage to look as though it is a parasitic relationship. One where one party (the woman in most cases) has to go through long suffering for the other to enjoy and take for granted.
If this is what marriage is, then I never want to be in it.

I believe in the institution of marriage.
I would love to get married someday.

Over the years, I’ve realized that the average Nigerian woman freaks out at the thought of the possibility of being thirty and unmarried. They would rather end up with a quasi-homo-sapien than be single at thirty.
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Listen girls; there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There are so many things you can do with your life, alone.

– Go to school, get as much formal education and qualifications as you can.
– Love yourself, love yourself, I said love yourself.
– Build a career, start a business, establish at least two means of steady income, no matter how little.
– Travel the world or the country, whichever you can afford.
– Discover a hobby, and spend time doing your hobby.
– Love as much as you can, but make sure you get love back in return.

It is very ok for you to have an image of the type of man you want. Set your standards for a man. You should have a scale of preference, and be ready for a decision of a possible opportunity cost because you can’t get all 100% in one man.
When the suitors come around, consider only those who tick at least 70% of the boxes.
Do not agree to marry a good-for-nothing simply because you are approaching or over 30. Another one will come. Forget all those ‘men are scarce’ nonsense you get to hear all the time.
Do not let anyone deceive you.
Men are NOT scarce anything, “good men and women are scarce”. But it is your responsibility to get yourself one of the good ones.

I want to remind us that approximately 51% of the world’s human population are males. And just like in the world, there are more males than females in Nigeria too. (Reference: Population census reports)
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If anyone tries to blackmail you with menopause, tell them that your eggs do not require a marriage certificate to get fertilized. Meaning you can get pregnant without a marriage certificate.

And even if the clocks keep ticking, age begins to count so fast and the Prince charming still isn’t forth coming; it would be a worse crime for you to mortgage your happiness in the hands of a mistake of a husband than it would be for you to get pregnant and have a child outside wedlock.

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Moral of the story: Do not get married because you’ve reached a stage when the society dictates marriage as your next step. Get married because you have found that man or woman who you really want to be with. Your short and long term happiness should be more important than your marital status.

Written by:
***Nkechi Bianze***

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