Today I saw a video of a woman who caught her husband with his side chick getting intimate in their car. The enraged woman jumped on the car bonnet and held on to the wipers. The husband drove off but not before the woman jumped and landed on the car bonnet. The husband kept driving the car with the wife dangerously hanging on the bonnet. I said to myself, look at this stupid woman, she wants to kill herself because of a man.
And then I see posts flying around saying that getting married is an achievement. I now understood why she did that. She obviously feels she has achieved something by getting married, so why would she let go? The man right there, is her achievement, even if he treats her like crap.
This got me thinking, is getting married or marriage really and achievement? Chimamanda Adichie said “Never speak of marriage as an achievement”. I agree.
To me, saying getting married is an achievement is just like saying that getting pregnant is an achievement. These are important milestones in one’s life but I wouldn’t count them as achievements. Anyone can get married, just because you went to church/court to say I DO, doesn’t automatically make the piece of paper given to you an achievement. You don’t need a special skill set to get married. All you just need is a partner who is willing.
In our society, marriage is considered to be an achievement, especially for the woman. Family and friends will always remind you that the time has come for you to find a man and settle down. Hence, a lot of women conform to societal pressure, get married and remain in the marriage, even if it causes them so much pain. Staying unhappily married for many years does not count as an achievement.
There is so much more to life than being someone’s wife. Marriage should not be something that defines you.
Are there achievements related to being married? Of course, I believe there are.
When a husband and wife have weathered the storm, walked side by side through financial stress, raising kids, dealt with the general stress of everyday life, still treat and love each other right; they look back and can see what they have achieved together as partners, e.g. raised good kids, built an empire, became a better version of themselves, then we can say the marriage is an achievement.
But then, you can achieve all these as partners, in a relationship without being married.