As a Nigerian woman, if you ever need marriage counselling, please visit a professional and one who is non-religious, otherwise this is what you will get (Video below). You will get blamed for the problem because like I have often said, Religion does not like women. I am not a therapist or anything but i know that this is not how to counsel couples having relationship issues.
Just because someone carries a Bible and calls himself a Pastor doesn’t mean that he is qualified in relationship counselling. I genuinely don’t understand how someone who has not studied and earned a degree in any behavioural science discipline can counsel people.
Anyway, in the video, the Man of God” (I don’t know why they are called this) is seen is seen trying to fix an estranged couple’s marital problems. The woman said, the man didn’t tell her that he had children before they got married. She said, he has two children from two different women but that was not what she was even upset about that.
Why was she not bothered about that? Because from what I saw in the video, that man showed no atom of remorse, for not disclosing it to her. She wasn’t bothered, probably because our society, wrapped around religion and culture, expects a woman to take whatever rubbish a man throws her way. We believe that it is a woman’s place to be inferior and submissive to the man, with a record of enduring pain and abuse for her to be considered a virtuous woman.
So, he hides the fact that he has two kids, from two different women and you later find out. Kini big deal? You are not the first woman that will happen to, nor will you be the last. You just suck it up, accept it, and pray for the holy spirit to consume the other women, so that they don’t destroy “your marriage”. Infact, you do anything, whatever it takes to protect “your marriage” because as a virtuous woman you don’t want to pull down your home down and end up as the woman without a crown on her head. That’s why this woman was not bothered about him having children outside of their marriage but was rather more concerned that the man hasn’t given her money to make her hair. Seriously? See this woman oh, so hair is her problem? Now, why should a grown ass woman wait for a man to give her money to take care of herself? Is she a baby? Shouldn’t she as an adult be able to take care of herself. Well, that’s a story for another day.
What I find disgusting is that the so-called pastor didn’t even rebuke the man for hiding that from the woman. Why should he? The man is the head of the home, he can do whatever he pleases and the woman must submit. Instead the Pastor told the woman, she needs to calm down as she can’t undo what has been done. He even asked her to kneel before the husband and tell him she was sorry. Did I miss something? Sorry for what? I don’t know. Kai, all I can say is that women have really suffered.
At the end, he concluded by saying that the woman was the problem (how he came to that conclusion, i don’t know) and gave an interesting advice to all women. He said that, in the heat of a problem if you are married or single, women shouldn’t talk because anything they say at that time angers the man. When a man is angry the woman should be mute and shouldn’t say a word.
And the whole church says Amen.