So, after I saw a video where a woman was complaining that her husband does not give her money to make her hair. I wondered why a grown ass woman would sit comfortably and wait for a man to give her money, to take care of herself? How can you be comfortable with the idea that if a man does not give you money, you are unable to take care of your immediate needs?
I find it absurd that a grown-up woman will be complaining that a man is not taking care of her. A woman should earn a living to take care of herself. In this day and age, I find it odd that some women think it’s okay to just sit around and wait for a man to give them handouts? What happens if the man dies or if he decides to walk away from the marriage tomorrow? I have heard and read stories, of how the death or absence of the man (being the sole breadwinner) has made the family he left behind, living in penury. Now, I hear it is not my portion, I am covered by the blood of Jesus. Yes, it is nobody’s portion but these things do happen.
If you are a housewife in a developed Country, like the UK or USA, in the event of a divorce, the court may award “alimony” or spousal support to you, based either on an agreement between the couple or a decision by the court itself. This will help to limit any unfair economic effects of a divorce by providing a continuing income to the house wife.
If you have children together, you will also be able to get financial support towards your child(ren)’s everyday living cost as he will be asked to pay child maintenance.
But in our Country, Naija, this is not the case, a man can just wake up one day and throw your belongings out of the window into the streets, because he doesn’t like the taste of your food anymore and you are left with nothing, absolutely nothing. You are left high and dry by someone you call your husband.
If you have children, you are left to cater for them all by yourself without the support of the man. How do you begin to start your life all over again in that kind of circumstance? This is the reason why a lot of women choose to remain in a relationship plagued by domestic violence. We have no systems in place to ensure that the man contributes to the welfare of the kids, in the event of a divorce or separation. So how then, can it then be okay to be a house wife with no source of income, in Nigeria?
When, if your husband is angry with you and he does not give you money, you and your children will not be able to eat, because “Oga did not drop money.” Is that life? How can anyone live like that?
We need to change the narrative. We need to stop saying and believing that, it is a man’s responsibility to take care of a woman. Most Nigerian women expect their men to provide virtually everything for them even if they are working and earning a pretty good income. They see it as evidence of responsibility on the part of man. If they pay part of the household bills, they believe that they are just “helping the man out.”
We need to bring up and teach young girls;
To be independent and not be dependent on a man for handouts.
Not to give up their dreams and ambitions to please a man.
We need to let our female children know that as adults, they are responsible for taking care of themselves; it is not a man’s responsibility to take care of a grown-ass woman. A woman should be able to make her own money and take care of herself.
Making money is not gender-specific.